Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 
Robert Ellis’ FOURTEEN SELF-DEFEATING RULES
Robert Ellis argued that a small number of core beliefs underlie most unhelpful emotions and behaviors. Core beliefs are underlying rules or code which guides how we react to the events and circumstances in our lives. Over the thirty-five years Ellis worked on this cognitive level, Ellis identified a trend that all dysfunctional behavior and attitudes functioned out of one (or more) of these self-defeating rules. Here are the last 4 of his self-defeating rules compliments of Udemy.
- EVENTS IN MY PAST ARE TO BLAME FOR MY ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS TODAY
Whilst our pasts do create our beliefs, it is not in control of our beliefs. We can’t blame the past for our present: we are responsible for managing our present and what we choose to take away from our past. Beliefs aren’t automatic: they’re built up over time and they’re usually supported by past ‘evidence’. What people, therefore, need to do is focus on understanding the smaller components which make up the belief and choosing to reassemble the messages they take away from the past in order to reconstruct new, helpful beliefs.
- MY FUTURE OUTCOMES WILL BE THE SAME AS MY PAST OUTCOMES
The past can never reflect the future, no matter how convincing the evidence is or how frequent the cycles of misfortune which seemingly repeat themselves are. We need to appreciate the present and commit to a life of living our best without allowing the shadows of the past to taint our present day and potentially spoil our future.
- I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FEEL SADNESS, DISCOMFORT OR PAIN
No matter how positive our outlook on life is, we cannot expect to live a life free from sadness, pain, grief, stress and struggle even if you’ve already gone through a lot. Negative emotions are part of life, but being able to more accurately relate to yourself helps you manage and cope with these upsetting and disturbing life events. We aren’t entitled to anything in life: entitlement is a self-consumed, irresponsible fantasy concept which doesn’t have any basis in reality.
14. SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME
We can go to therapists, life coaches, doctors, politicians, partners, parents and even children looking for external support, and help during difficult times, but we have to accept that we don’t live in a Hollywood movie or a fairy tale. People can help you, comfort you and be there for you, but nobody is coming to save you: only you can save yourself.
Reflective Exercise:
Take 5-10 minutes to reflect on each of the irrational beliefs that Ellis highlighted. And identify any that may be particularly relevant to you. Consider the following questions in relation to each of these rules:
- In what areas or situations do you recognise any of these rules in your life?
- Can you identify how these rules may have developed? Did you choose them or have their underlying beliefs developed from the influence of your family/friends as you were growing up?
- How have these rules prevented you or limited you in terms of achieving the things you really want in life?
- What changes can you start making today to start building these new beliefs into your life?
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