Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Robert Ellis’ FOURTEEN SELF-DEFEATING RULES 

Robert Ellis argued that a small number of core beliefs underlie most unhelpful emotions and behaviors.  Core beliefs are underlying rules or code which guides how we react to the events and circumstances in our lives.  Over the thirty-five years Ellis worked on this cognitive level, Ellis identified a trend that all dysfunctional behavior and attitudes functioned out of one (or more) of these self-defeating rules.  Here are the last 4 of his self-defeating rules compliments of Udemy.  

11. EVENTS IN MY PAST ARE TO BLAME FOR MY ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS TODAY  

Whilst our pasts do create our beliefs, it is not in control of our beliefs. We  can’t blame the past for our present: we are responsible for managing our present and  what we choose to take away from our past. Beliefs aren’t automatic: they’re built up over time and they’re usually supported by past ‘evidence’.  What people, therefore, need to do is focus on understanding the smaller components which make up the belief and choosing to reassemble the messages they take away from the past in order to reconstruct new, helpful beliefs.

12. MY FUTURE OUTCOMES WILL BE THE SAME AS MY PAST OUTCOMES  

The past can never reflect the future, no matter how convincing the  evidence is or how frequent the cycles of misfortune which seemingly  repeat themselves are.  We need to appreciate the present and commit to a life of living our best without allowing the shadows of the past to taint our present day and potentially spoil our future.

13. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FEEL SADNESS, DISCOMFORT OR PAIN 

No matter how positive our outlook on life is, we cannot expect to live a life  free from sadness, pain, grief, stress and struggle even if you’ve already  gone through a lot.  Negative emotions are part of life, but being able to  more accurately relate to yourself helps you manage and cope with these  upsetting and disturbing life events.  We aren’t entitled to anything in life:  entitlement is a self-consumed, irresponsible fantasy concept which doesn’t have any basis in reality.

14.  SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME  

We can go to therapists, life coaches, doctors, politicians, partners, parents and even children looking for external support, and help during difficult times, but we have to accept that we don’t live in a Hollywood movie or a fairy tale.  People can help you, comfort you and be there for you, but nobody is coming to save you: only you can save yourself.

Reflective Exercise:  

Take 5-10 minutes to reflect on each of the irrational beliefs that Ellis highlighted.  And identify any that may be particularly relevant to you.  Consider the following questions in relation to each of these rules:

1. In what areas or situations do you recognise any of these rules in your life?
2. Can you identify how these rules may have developed?  Did you choose them or have their underlying beliefs developed from the influence of your family/friends as you were growing up?
3. How have these rules prevented you or limited you in terms of achieving the things you really want in life?
4. What changes can you start making today to start building these new beliefs into your life?

 

Shotokan Karate Leadership School

3082 Marlow Road B1, Santa Rosa, CA 95403 707-575-1681

TRUST LEADERSHIP TRAIT DEFINITION & EXAMPLES 

Elementary: Confidence placed in someone or something

Secondary: Firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; confidence or  reliance

Related Words 

Trustworthy Confidence Belief Faith Certainty Assurance Conviction Credence Reliance

Quotes about Trust 

“Trust is having faith in someone or something.  It is having confidence that the right thing will happen without trying to control it or make it happen.  A trustworthy friend is dependable and responsible.”  Tiger’s Great Journey 

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” – William Shakespeare 

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that holds all

relationships.” – Stephen Covey 

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” – Albert Einstein 

“I cannot trust a man to control others who cannot control himself.” – Robert E.  Lee 

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” – Ernest Hemingway 

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.” – Warren Buffett

Trust Words and Actions  

Trust is the basis of all good relationships and the cornerstone of good character.  Trustworthy people keep their promises. They are honest, reliable, and principled and never inappropriately betray a confidence. Trust is a Black Belt characteristic.  To feel like a Black Belt, you must act like a Black Belt, and that means becoming a trustworthy person.

Ask yourself the following questions to determine if  you are a trustworthy person:

1. Is it a good idea to risk losing someone’s trust for a temporary gain?
2. How important is trust in your relationships with friends and family?
3. How often do you break promises?
4. How often do you share secrets that you were told in confidence?
5. How often do you overlook your principles to satisfy your wants?

Study your answers carefully to make sure you feel good about them and that you were honest.  When others consider you untrustworthy, it is often because you forget how important it is to your character.  A true Black Belt understands the importance of trust and makes the right choices whatever the outcome.

Practice these examples of trustworthiness every day:

1. Keep your promises! Don’t make a promise, unless you are able to keep it.
2. Be honest.  Don’t tell lies for personal gain; lies inevitably return to hurt you.
3. Keep secrets told to you.  Never betray a confidence or a trust.
4. Have integrity and never yield to temptation.  The more you act in this manner, the more people will honor you.
5. Be loyal to those who matter.  Don’t act in opposition to those who care about you.

 

By Helen Noronha,

Do you think laziness is screwing your life? Have you ever thought of overcoming laziness to  improve yourself and live better? If you want to then here is a Japanese technique – kaizen for  overcoming laziness.

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it is lethal.” 

― Paulo Coelho 

Have you felt that your life has become static? There is no change at all. You think you will try a fitness regime, learn a new language, play an instrument or simply keep a journal – but every time you postpone it. It’s either tomorrow or from Monday, next month or even next year… the  goal moves further away.  Breaking old habits and replacing them with new ones takes time and  patience. We simply love comfort.

Challenging yourself to do something is quite a task. We are bursting with enthusiasm in the beginning and gradually it fades away. We try to achieve a lot rapidly, which makes it all the more difficult.  Sometimes you need to plan and ponder on your progress instead of expecting magic by waiting.  So why does it happen?

It is impossible to find one definite cause.  If your decisions were always taken by others since  childhood, chances are you have no idea about your purpose in life or the power to change  what you possess.  Psychologists think that a person who is not very motivated is not capable of developing any habit in a short span.

Developing a habit takes at least 2 days.  It will take 90 days to form a permanent habit. Going about any business requires skill and discipline.  Take small steps at the beginning. “Plans  Gromadyo” is a technique for the youth.  With conviction and hormones raging in the blood, one  can hardly stop midway.  To turn off the chosen path seems unthinkable at this stage when one is full of possibilities. With age, we develop a lot of habits and acquire tastes. Life becomes serious of complications one has to deal with.  There is no end to one’s desires and often the willpower falls short.  We begin in the natural course and tend to lose track as the task at hand becomes a burden, hence boring. Habits need nurturing and devotion.

Where is the way out? 

Kaizen – Japanese philosophy kaizen is unique.  It literally means “continuous improvement” in Japanese. “Kai” means change, and “zen” translates to wisdom.  It proposes changes that are not made in flux but show reflection and ripe experience.

In Japan, this philosophy was first applied after the Second World War.  Companies had been  destroyed and in order to speed up the process of regeneration, it was applied. Production or supporting processes in business, management, achieving personal goals, all may seem too much at first.  The concept of “kaizen” spread throughout the world after the Japanese philosopher Masaaki Imai elaborated this idea in his book named the same in 1986.  He explained that such a philosophy means the re-orientation of life and all its sectors.

What is the “one-minute principle”? 

The path to your goal is now a minute long!  It is a management technique that is sure to show signs of improvement.  The crux of the technique is that a person has to deal with a certain task for a minute, but it must happen every day and at the same time.  Do not let the short span confuse you; it is so to keep laziness at bay.  If you try to keep half an hour to do something, you will come up with tons of excuses and the task will remain unfinished.

You may question the value of a minute.  Well, you can read a page, speak in a foreign  language, perform exercises and also improve your diction! Consistency is the key. Doing this  regularly will give you joy and self-satisfaction, thus inspiring new achievements.  If you miss by chance, then do it before going to bed or before breakfast.  Prolonged periods of trying to do new things may have yielded nothing, a minute looks like an easy task, therefore. The guilt of wasting time will fade if you feel content about overcoming laziness.  Gradually increase the time, five minutes to an hour without feeling like a mess.

Continuous improvement requires a pattern. These steps will help you master kaizen.

1. Standardize: come up with a process for a specific activity which is organized.
2. Measure: evaluate effectiveness using quantifiable data such as average time taken to complete a task
3. Compare: Measure against your requirements.  Is it time-consuming?  Are you nearer to your goal?  Should you try another approach?
4. Innovate: the search for new methods is endless and the results are better each time.  Innovate smarter routes to the same goal just like Google employees who devote 20% of their time searching for new ways.
5. Repeat: Go back to step one and start again.

Kaizen enhances ownership and authority over work. Not letting the passion die is a huge task. However, it is the source of inspiration and proper utilization of energy. Waste of any kind, be it  energy, time or even effort is done away with through kaizen. A person automatically becomes  more driven and focused. So embrace it and change your life!

Coming Soon!

Our new book will be out by the end of June or early July.  You’ll receive a complimentary copy when it does.  Just ask us.

Shoka News 

Shotokan Karate Leadership School® Newsletter

July 1, 2023 

A BIG Welcome to our newest students!  

❖ Erick Diaz, Apollo Geissinger, Jason Zapadinsky, Tyler Thygesen, Alina Reyes,  Norah Reyes, Karter Grieb, Dominic Martinez, Emilie Stirnaman, Emilio Sanchez,  Carlos Pureco, Rylee Nelson, Jose Suarez, Saint Hill, Ana Rosete, Ronin  McKeown

Upcoming Events and Activities  

• July 4th Holiday Break – Dojo closed from Sat., July 1 through Tuesday July  4th. Classes start again on Wednesday July 5th 
• Wednesday Night Market – We’re at the market most Wednesday evenings  from 5p to 8:30p. Stop by and see us and say hi.!  
• Parent Night Out, 5 to 8p Friday June 23rd. Games, Pizza, Movie. Free! This  was already held. We plan to do more and will let you know. 
• Return of 7th Degree Black Belt Sensei Warner Friday and Saturday July 21  and 22. See July Shoka Magazine for details. 
• Pioneer Park Training and Potluck Picnic – Sat. Aug. 12th. All morning  classes at Pioneer Park about a mile from the dojo, then Potluck Picnic.  

Meredith Huetter, Reiner’s mom:  

“I hope all is well, Sensei. Reiner ended up with Highest Honors (4.0 grade point out of  4.0) and the Principal’s Award (Excellent Effort and Conduct). A lot of Reiner’s success  is attributed to his learning at your school. All the best, Meredith” 

Michele Pipkin 

Keith Tacla, the owner or Rick’s Auto in Forestville and one of our members, had a  customer who wanted to donate her car. Keith made the arrangements and the car now  belongs to Michele Pipkin who was featured in last month’s Shoka News along with  another one of our student, Carrie Chase. A big thank you to both Keith and Carrie for making this happen. If you need your car fixed try talking to Keith.

Rick’s Auto 6560 Railroad Ave, Forestville 707-887-1641

July 1, 2023 

Marty Callahan

8th Degree Black Belt

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden,  meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success  of liberty.” – John F. Kennedy 35th President of the United  States

Parents, families, students and friends,

I was a high school student when John F. Kennedy was in office. I love this quote because I  paraphrased this quote and helped to find my own power. You can too, “Let every person know,  whether they wish us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship,  support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of ourselves, our  family, our community, our friends and our nation.”  

Here’s what’s in it this month’s Shoka Magazine:

• Our cover girl… Chhring Sherpa
• Shoka News (our newsletter)
• Our next book… coming soon… The Hero’s Journey – Act I Separation
• A Harmless Man is not a good man
• Sensei Kevin Warner’s next visit July 21-22
• Kaizen – a Japanese method to overcome laziness
• Trust: Leadership Trait, Definition, and Quotes
• Ubuntu – humanity towards others. What these people of South Africa do when someone  does something wrong.
• Aikido Master, Morihei Ueshiba – Opponents continually confront us… what to do.  • Cognitive Behavior Therapy Self Defeating Rules 11 to 14 out of 14
• MISSING PET – 20 feet tall, 9 tons, answers to “Rex”, loves trouble and playing fetch, if  found, DO NOT PET or make fun of his arms!

We’ve go out into the community to make our presence known and attract more good people such  as yourselves. We do this to help our school stay healthy and strong. This benefits everyone. If you  know of a community event that might be good for us, please let us know and we’ll check it out.

Yours truly,

Marty Callahan, 8th Degree Black Belt,

Chief Instructor, Founder, Author

Dad’s often don’t get the attention  mom’s get, and that’s okay.  If they’re doing their job, they don’t need the recognition.  Seeing their child grow into the man or woman they are meant to be, is enough for them.

June 1, 2023 

A BIG Welcome to our newest students!  

❖ Elliot Zapadinsky, Juliann Finn, Avery Finn, Liam Finn, Patrick Finn,  Ed Estrada, Jagger Espy, Nolan Hettich, Daniel Fajardo, Lumen  Ares, Aiden Gardiner, Apache Greenberg, Elijah Lawson, Erick Diaz,  Apollo Geissinger, Jason Zapadinsky, Tyler Thygesen, Alina Reyes,  Norah Reyes, Ares Skaife

Upcoming Events and Activities 

•  Monday, May 29th Memorial Day – CLOSED… in case you read  this before 5.29  
• Wednesday Night Market – Starting May 3 for 15 weeks. We’ll be  there. Stop by. See us. Say hi. Spin the wheel. Win prizes. Have  FUN!  
• Summer activities… we’re planning several different things but  we’re not yet ready to announce them. They will probably  include training and potluck lunch in the park, training and  potluck lunch at the beach, Parent Night Out/Movie Night/Pizza  Night! We’ll let you know day, dates, and times once we hammer  out the details.  

Shoka Magazine: We’re mailing it to your house. We hope you’re getting  it. If not let us know. It’s also coming by email in an electronic format called  Issuu. Check it out and let us know what you think.

Our Covid Policy  

Covid is again rearing its ugly head so please wear a mask if you are  unvaccinated. Decide for yourself if you are vaccinated. We will never ask  you to do anything that will put you or your family at risk. You always have  the opportunity to opt-out of any activity or event that you deem is unsafe.